Thursday, 20 November 2008

• Currently Ophelia By Lisa Klein see related

  Why I Don't Like Twilight So Very Much Anymore

  I used to be obsessed with the Twilight books. I told all my friends to read them, and I converted a good number of people who were all, "But I hate vampires!!" in the process. Now these books pretty much disgust me. I wrote this blog back in April, and when I posted it on myspace, some people were trying to fight with me, it was hilarious. But seriously, I love debating stuff like this if people are legit about it, not just “omg, I bet you’ve never even read it! You’re just jealous of Stephanie Meyer!” Ha.

  Oh, but I have to say, I’m kind of excited for the movie to come out… I think Hollywood will do Twilight better than Smeyer did it.

   All righty then, here it is, all the reasons why I don’t like Twilight so much anymore:
  

  
  
  1. Bella is a freak. She’s just so dang annoying and useless! She doesn’t *do* anything special (She’s a totally flat/static), she has no remarkable qualities (she’s clumsy…so. freaking. what.) and she has all these guys liking her and she has to be a snotty BIOTCH about it!!! Like, "Ugggh, Tyler, Mike, Jacob, Eric, can you just, like, BACK OFF?!?! I’m so sick of you all thinking I’m the best thing since sliced bread, I just want to be with Edward so I can try to clumsily seduce him some more!!!" Bella is a total Mary Sue. I mean, come ON, her freaking NAME is Bella Swan. Beautiful Swan?! That’s about as Mary-Sue a name as you can get. 
  
  2. Hmmm, Edward is pretty useless, too. He can play the piano and look hot and read minds and run really really fast and sparkles in the sunshine. Yay? Don’t even get me STARTED on how Edward is a Gary-Stu!!
  
  3. Speaking of Bella being flat and static, ALL the characters are flat and static!!! NONE OF THEM CHANGE! Que aburrido.

  *On a side note, I do love Jacob because he seems to be the most (the       ONLY…?) realistic character of the bunch, even though Ms. Meyer has to go and make him all annoying near the end…

  
  4. Edward is TOO perfect. I dunno, he’s so perfect he’s annoying. I don’t find him so very attractive anymore. Ew. It’s kind of repulsive how attractive he is…
  
  5. Bella and Edward do ***NOT*** have a healthy relationship!! If I had a relationship like that, I hope someone would shoot me and put me out of my misery, because though I would most likely appear happy on the outside, deep down I would probably be suffering some deep discontent and yearning for something more meaningful. :) Or, if I was so blinded by "love" that I didn’t recognize my own discontent, I’d hope I would be shot anyways, because I’d just deserve it for being so shallow. Sub-point: Bella and Edward don’t ever REALLY fight. When they do fight, it’s about stupid stuff, like about how Edward shouldn’t take her to prom, and how he shouldn’t give her gifts, and how she needs to stop trying to get in his pants. Eff that. I want a REAL fight!
  
  6. There is no substance to the book. It’s totally shallow. ALL it is about is their forbidden teenage love. (Again?) Boo hoo. No sub themes whatsoever. AGATB has the oppressive nature of Victorian society and the struggle to choose between what you want and what is right and feminism and a bunch of other themes, ***IN ADDITION*** to having a hot guy! All Twilight has is a hot guy and a clumsy girl who fall in love--quite inexplicably, I might add.
  
  7. Okay, that just has to be a separate point. WHY do Bella and Edward fall in love with each other?!?!?!?! We know Edward wants to eat her or whatever, but still…WHY?!??! It was like this: Bella thinks Edward is hot, Edward is all mysterious, Edward saves Bella from a couple of creepers, Edward is intrigued by the fact that he can’t read Bella’s mind, Edward tries to stay away from Bella, he fails, BAM! they’re in love. Wait…what?? They hardly even talk to each other, meaningfully, anyway!!! All Bella does is whine about nice things he does for her. Or nice things other people do for her. What a whiny brat.
  
  8. The writing sucks. ["Too green. Green. Green green green. Green-ness.” And we can’t forget how “god-like” Edward is…!] And when she does chance to write a good bit of detail she uses it over and over. Topaz-freaking-eyes and Edward’s "perfection" only get you so far, Buddy.

  
  9. It’s just so dang cliché. Vampire falls in love mortal and struggles to control the bloodlust. Wooooo. Or rather, good girl falls in love with vampire gone good, but who still has to struggle with his darker side. (Ah, love myself some Buffy). I mean, if you’re gonna do a cliché, you can still make it completely amazing! (See about every vampire book I have read except Twilight, of course. Oh, and Tantalize tried, but it totally fails). But obviously Stephanie Meyer can’t work the cliché right. Sparkling in the sun and “vegetarianism” are NOT original enough to redeem the cliché. I used to think they were cool, but now I realize they’re just silly.
  
  10. The plots of all the books suck if you really look at them. It's like Meyer was all "Bella lusts for Edward, Edward loves Bella, oh sweetness, mush mush mush, OH CRAP IT'S PAGE 400 I NEED A PLOT DAMMIT OH HELL BRING IN THE EVIL SCARY VAMPIRES!!!! Yeah, that'll do it."

  
  11. This is more pure rant than reason, but it’s kind of upsetting when people are calling this "one of the best books" they’ve "read in years". Which makes me wonder, what the HELL have they been reading for the last couple years?!?!!? Even when I was obsessed with it, I didn’t think it was a freaking literary masterpiece!!!!!! Libba Bray and so many authors are SO way much more amazing than Ms. Meyer!!!!!!!!!! She just doesn’t get as much recognition because Gemma doesn’t need a man! This is the one point on here where if you disagree with me I might have to scorn you outright. It’s not a literary masterpiece, you just want a sparkly man, don’t lie. ;)

  
  
  *Um, just to be clear, I’m in no way saying you’re stupid or lame or whatever if you are obsessed with Twilight. I don’t blame you! After all, I was obsessed once, too. But once again, I do reserve the right to say you are stupid or lame if you think it is a literary masterpiece.
  **Oh, and don’t get me wrong, I’ve read and enjoyed some of the most shallow books you will ever find, I’m definitely not saying I’m above shallow books, haha.

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• Currently Rumors: A Luxe Novel (The Luxe) By Anna Godbersen see related

  Sooooo pretty much I write blogs on myspace all the time and I get a great kick out of it because they're really random and silly sometimes but they cause a lot of ridiculous sort of "controversy" between my friends, haha, and recently a lot of people started reading them so I decided to get a blog space and see how this goes... Yeah. I don't usually write in run-on sentences like that, don't worry. ;)
  
  I guess at first I'm just going to get some of my old blogs from myspace onto here... I hope people like them...
  
  <3 Lindsay

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